If anyone could send me a little inspiration, I'd be grateful. I'm at a point where I know that I'm leaving as does my employer and my staff, handing off my current position and starting another short term one (same organization) for the last 4 months so I know I won't get bored or antsy. But how to avoid the inevitable rush to the end? When you only focus on the event and date in the future and forget to pay attention to what is happening in the meantime, forget to smell the roses, so to speak?
Well there aren't any roses in Sudan, so I need something else to stop and "smell." Any ideas?
There is of course the new position, I could learn to ride a motorbike (was supposed to on Sunday but slept through my lesson...whoops), take up yoga, start running...but all these things take effort and energy is not something I have in plenty at the moment. I need a change of mindset, or an attitude adjustment (which was actually the name of my Granddad's boat, funnily enough!).
Also, today is Simba's interview for his tourist visa to the US. Since Kenya isn't exactly a card carrying member of the visa waiver program. It's insane the hoops he had to jump through. I'm nervous. Cross your fingers for us!
Showing posts with label homesickness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homesickness. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Abandoned Christmas Trees
It's the time of year in New York where the lamp posts on every street corner are piled high with discarded christmas trees.
The distinct pine scent makes it downright pleasant to walk down the street! By the way, there is an entire website dedicated to discarded christmas trees. Check out the one of the tree being crushed by an SUV. As a series these are hilarious! Or maybe I've proven to be even more easily amused than usual.
The distinct pine scent makes it downright pleasant to walk down the street! By the way, there is an entire website dedicated to discarded christmas trees. Check out the one of the tree being crushed by an SUV. As a series these are hilarious! Or maybe I've proven to be even more easily amused than usual.This year's holiday season has been peppered by comments about the "global financial crisis" which is a result of the "US economic downturn" catalyzed by the "collapse" of the "subprime mortgage market." These catch phrases are on everyone's lips now, and being back in the US after being completely removed from the major events of Lehman Brothers, the major bailouts, etc, it quite startling. It's like I've landed into a society with a completely different mindset. Sure, based on the economy I revised my short term investment strategy, but because I'm not about to retire, and do not own a home, and am not in an industry where I am in danger of being imminently laid off, all of this recession business was not a daily topic of conversation.
Well for the past few weeks it has been.
What will the impact be on the funding for international development programs in developing countries? The verdict is still out, but many of the guesses are pessimistic. The general consensus is that it will probably take about a year to catch up, based on how budgets are drawn up and how money is allocated, both in the US Congress and other governments. But the Global Fund for AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria will be affected because their funding is based on pledges from other countries, foundations, etc. Will these entities be able to honor their pledges? Maybe this year, but what about next year? Will the US experience another period of backlash from people asking the question why should money be flowing out to support other people while we have plenty to do here at home?
With money becoming tighter, donors will be even more focused than in the past on accountability to the aid recipients, whether they are NGOs or governments. It will be even more important to make sure funds are allocated and used wisely. This is a good thing. However, countries have pledged to meet certain milestones, Millennium Development Goals, to measure progress. The vast majority of the world is already behind on these, and will now have to try to meet them with fewer resources.
This past year we caught a glimpse of how the World Food Program (WFP) was affected at the sharp increase in cost of food. The same amount of money purchased less food, so in many areas they were forced to either limit the kind of nutritional supplements they provided to people enrolled in their program, or leave areas all together. Millions and millions of people moved below the poverty line as a result of the increase in food prices.
With increasing scrutiny on the types of loans being given, many micro-lending institutions will be threatened and small business loans will be much harder to obtain (this can be positive or negative - people will no longer be pushed by lenders to take on risks that they cannot afford, but then again these same lenders will be more paranoid about extending credit to those people who may not have a credit history).
The World Bank has pledged "several" billion dollars over the next three years to help temper the impact of the crisis around the world. This is based on the premise that, among other things, as the wealthier investors and countries have less wealth to invest, they will cut out the portions that are invested in infrastructure, natural resources, etc in Africa. Apparently commodity prices are falling, which hurts the poorest countries who are the ones exporting the goods and therefore receiving less for their goods.
As for health, there is no greater investment than investing in the health and social sectors. Here are some reasons:
1. Investing in human capital/resources can increase productivity and stimulate economies.
2. You want social stability? Provide equitable access to basic health care. In most developing countries, access to health care tops people's lists of concerns that include food and shelter.
3. Ignorance, stigma and discrimination on the parts of governments and employers against people living with HIV and AIDS in the 1980's and 90's meant that a large part of the workforce in sub-saharan Africa was healthy. Employers were hiring 2 people for every 1 place in their companies because it was likely that 1 of the 2 would be working at limited productivity and eventually pass away from AIDS-related illnesses. Failure to focus funds on HIV prevention now means that countries will spend exponentially more money on care and treatment when people are already infected and affected.
These are my thoughts anyway, I am by NO means an expert on anything related to economics, so I'd be interested to hear your opinions and ideas.
Peace
Monday, October 13, 2008
things that affect your brain
Has it really been a month since I've written? It's quite insane how time flies. My blog is suffering as a result of one of my personality traits - when all is well I am very social, call and write people often, and generally reach out quite a bit. When things go wrong, or I am upset or depressed, I retreat into my own shell and tend to disappear for a bit.
My freshman year in college I had a friend named Liz. She was one of the wonderful women I met in the phase in my life where I attended frat parties in my PJs and drank cokes without any rum (was on my university's varsity soccer team and decided not to drink during the season). These boys were fantastic - they loved me all the more for my PJs and stocked up on cokes for me in their minifridges. Liz was always the most "grown up" of all of us - she held dinner parties for her friends and looked like she belonged on the red carpet even at a semi-formal dance. Some broke up with their boyfriends, some went to study abroad, and some, like Liz, morphed into a completely different person, taking on the likes, dislikes, and all characteristics of her new boyfriend. Basically, many of us grew apart. Fast forward to 4 years later - Liz was diagnosed with brain cancer. She went through surgery and treatment, beat it once, it went into remission, but then came back stronger. Liz was fading fast and I was getting updates from friends. One of whom which was her former roomate, but they had a falling out, and never really patched things up. I listened to her agonize over whether or not to send her a letter, and what it should say. What do you write to an estranged friend who is dying? In the end, Liz passed away before the letter was sent. We were all devastated. She was 24 years old.
On September 23, 2008, my friend Jason died after his own 4 year fight with brain cancer. I've never seen anyone fight for his life like he did. You can read about his life and amazing character on his blog, Team Jason. Towards the end, Jason was still incredibly upbeat, very focused on beating the cancer, and through his blog I BELIEVED he would win. His last post was just days before he died, and while very honest about the setbacks in his treatment, his attitude didn't miss a beat. Jason was the definition of an inspiration to all who knew him, and I know his memory lives on. This
is the last picture that was taken of Jason, days before he passed away (as appears on his blog). Still smiling and positive as always!
Please consider making donations in Jason’s honor to the Wellness Community of St. Louis at 1058 Old Des Peres Road St. Louis MO 63131. This organization helped Jason immensely during his 4 year battle.
This time, it was me who was left with an unsent letter. I had an unfinished email to Jason I started the week before but kept putting off saying "I'll send it when I have enough time to write a proper email." But, of course, that time never came and I am left with guilt. We were not estranged in any way, but it still hurt that I never got to say all the things I wanted. As time goes on I realize more and more that it is an extremely rare thing to be able to properly say goodbye to someone and to say everything that needs to be said. A very rare thing indeed. My mother never got to say goodbye to her father, who also died of cancer, and that is something I think about a lot, how painful that must have been. But what can you do except vow to seize the moment and tell people who matter to you that you love them? I am going to try, that's for sure.
Is it strange that I have had 2 of my friends, both under the age of 26, die from the same kind of brain cancer in the past 3 years? Last time I went to get my eyes checked the opthamologist offered me some sort of a test that looks at your eye and can somehow tell if you have a brain tumor (don't ask me how this works), albeit with the statement "you're young so you probably don't have to worry about this and the test is optional." You'd better believe I got that test right quick.
Which brings us back to Sudan. I came down with malaria this past week, and althought (thankfully) it was not cerebral malaria, one of the symptoms among many including high fevers, chills, joint pain, and achiness, are headaches. Mine have kept going even though I finished my medication on Saturday. All this means is that I need to drink more water, but with each nightly throb (usually when the headaches arrive) it reminds me of all the strange and incomprehensible things that go on up there, and how lucky I am.
Is that strange and morbid?
Sorry, it's been that kind of month.
Soon to come: happier posts about my new diggs, new friends, and some upcoming travel!
My freshman year in college I had a friend named Liz. She was one of the wonderful women I met in the phase in my life where I attended frat parties in my PJs and drank cokes without any rum (was on my university's varsity soccer team and decided not to drink during the season). These boys were fantastic - they loved me all the more for my PJs and stocked up on cokes for me in their minifridges. Liz was always the most "grown up" of all of us - she held dinner parties for her friends and looked like she belonged on the red carpet even at a semi-formal dance. Some broke up with their boyfriends, some went to study abroad, and some, like Liz, morphed into a completely different person, taking on the likes, dislikes, and all characteristics of her new boyfriend. Basically, many of us grew apart. Fast forward to 4 years later - Liz was diagnosed with brain cancer. She went through surgery and treatment, beat it once, it went into remission, but then came back stronger. Liz was fading fast and I was getting updates from friends. One of whom which was her former roomate, but they had a falling out, and never really patched things up. I listened to her agonize over whether or not to send her a letter, and what it should say. What do you write to an estranged friend who is dying? In the end, Liz passed away before the letter was sent. We were all devastated. She was 24 years old.
On September 23, 2008, my friend Jason died after his own 4 year fight with brain cancer. I've never seen anyone fight for his life like he did. You can read about his life and amazing character on his blog, Team Jason. Towards the end, Jason was still incredibly upbeat, very focused on beating the cancer, and through his blog I BELIEVED he would win. His last post was just days before he died, and while very honest about the setbacks in his treatment, his attitude didn't miss a beat. Jason was the definition of an inspiration to all who knew him, and I know his memory lives on. This
is the last picture that was taken of Jason, days before he passed away (as appears on his blog). Still smiling and positive as always!Please consider making donations in Jason’s honor to the Wellness Community of St. Louis at 1058 Old Des Peres Road St. Louis MO 63131. This organization helped Jason immensely during his 4 year battle.
This time, it was me who was left with an unsent letter. I had an unfinished email to Jason I started the week before but kept putting off saying "I'll send it when I have enough time to write a proper email." But, of course, that time never came and I am left with guilt. We were not estranged in any way, but it still hurt that I never got to say all the things I wanted. As time goes on I realize more and more that it is an extremely rare thing to be able to properly say goodbye to someone and to say everything that needs to be said. A very rare thing indeed. My mother never got to say goodbye to her father, who also died of cancer, and that is something I think about a lot, how painful that must have been. But what can you do except vow to seize the moment and tell people who matter to you that you love them? I am going to try, that's for sure.
Is it strange that I have had 2 of my friends, both under the age of 26, die from the same kind of brain cancer in the past 3 years? Last time I went to get my eyes checked the opthamologist offered me some sort of a test that looks at your eye and can somehow tell if you have a brain tumor (don't ask me how this works), albeit with the statement "you're young so you probably don't have to worry about this and the test is optional." You'd better believe I got that test right quick.
Which brings us back to Sudan. I came down with malaria this past week, and althought (thankfully) it was not cerebral malaria, one of the symptoms among many including high fevers, chills, joint pain, and achiness, are headaches. Mine have kept going even though I finished my medication on Saturday. All this means is that I need to drink more water, but with each nightly throb (usually when the headaches arrive) it reminds me of all the strange and incomprehensible things that go on up there, and how lucky I am.
Is that strange and morbid?
Sorry, it's been that kind of month.
Soon to come: happier posts about my new diggs, new friends, and some upcoming travel!
Monday, August 25, 2008
It is the condition of most people in this world to go where they don't belong
http://www.snotr.com/video/1459
Sorry, I couldn't help it. Btw, LOVE the random rant by the old guy in the middle.
Just got back to Juba today after a week of Cornish Headlands and Devon Cream Tea. With more than a few Bulmer's Ciders thrown in for good measure. England was fantastic, and just what I needed for a break. With Beatrice and her Beau we wandered around London and South West England where among other things we visited Tintagel, the claimed birthplace of King Arthur (people, read Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley NOW!!!) and got my art fix (as well as positively OD'd on Cream Tea. MMMMMMM). Every time I go to an art museum I immediately head for the impressionists and post-impressionists. Van Gogh, Degas, Toulouse-Lautrec, Manet, Seurat, Pissaro, Renoir, Cezanne, Monet. I realized while imagining I could see the wind blow through Van Gogh's Cyprus trees in room 41 (or was it 43?) of the National Gallery that the company of these paintings makes me feel at home. There's no other way to describe it - the reason why I feel anxious if I take too much time in between visits, the reason why I immediately feel relaxed and exhale a sigh of relief when among their thick strokes of paint. No matter if these works of art hang in New York, St. Louis, London, Tokyo, or Paris, I feel the same way.
There is a quote from Thoreau that impressed a former colleague of mine that says "It is the condition of most people in this world to go where they don't belong." I feel as if I belong in places where I can experience art, history, beauty, and enjoy the sea, green hills, and a drink with friends in a pub otherwise filled with strangers. However, I don't "belong" in the 1860's, 70's and 80's when these movements flourished (along with the music and literature - I adore playing works by Debussy on the piano and two of my favorite authors are Baudelaire and Virginia Woolf) any more than I "belong" in Sudan at the moment.
The halfway mark of my time in Sudan is looming just ahead, 2 weeks away, and I feel it acutely. Sometimes I can be objective about my whole experience, but in the weeks leading up to my most recent R&R I kept thinking "I can't believe I have been here a year, and I don't know how I am going to get through the next one!" It also didn't help that Simba was sick and until today I have only seen him for 2 days in the last 5 weeks. I miss him when we're not together, he soothes my anxious mind and at the same time makes me feel like I have what it takes to take on the world. Plus it's hard to stay stressed when I am with someone about whom I can't help grinning just at the thought of.
What to do next it on my mind more and more, as is the feeling that I "should" start making plans and concrete goals for the next step in my career so I can start working towards them. But still, everything feels unsettled back here in Juba and I am not quite ready to leave - my department's program are trucking along, but there are still many elements to be fixed, the incredible opportunity from a donor to re-examine our entire approach to our work and build a cohesive and (hopefully) sustainable program for HIV prevention, and research to be done to evaluate the effectiveness of our programs. I am still in my tent, but slated to move into a more permanent place - same site, but a stone cottage with A/C, a kitchenette, hot water shower, and even a tv. It sounds unreal at this point compared to my current diggs, but insha'allah will happen sometime in September. It's a bit difficult to start planning this far in advance and still "be here, now" so I will inevitably put it off until later.
Until that as-yet-undetermined time, as a result of my break I have a new lease on life in Sudan, which should last me until my next R&R in late October: I bought loads of fancy-schmancy bath products (like conditioners and body washes) and a hair dryer, have a resolve to wear more makeup (to change things up a bit - have only worn makeup literally 3 times total in the past year, including New Years in DC!), and dyed my hair with blonde highlights. No, it's not the heinous abomination that you're thinking, just a few chunks UNDERNEATH the top layer that peek through the middle. It looks good, I promise, Beatrice can vouch. I'm not having a mid-post crisis, just trying to take better care of myself to make the second year in Sudan easier than the first. This has been the biggest roller coaster year of my life, and I want to slow the pace of year 2 down a bit to maybe that of a fun house - things won't be as they seem, and I will get tussled around a bit, but it won't throw me completely upside down leaving me disoriented and exhausted. Well, at least I can dream :)
Peace
Sorry, I couldn't help it. Btw, LOVE the random rant by the old guy in the middle.
Just got back to Juba today after a week of Cornish Headlands and Devon Cream Tea. With more than a few Bulmer's Ciders thrown in for good measure. England was fantastic, and just what I needed for a break. With Beatrice and her Beau we wandered around London and South West England where among other things we visited Tintagel, the claimed birthplace of King Arthur (people, read Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley NOW!!!) and got my art fix (as well as positively OD'd on Cream Tea. MMMMMMM). Every time I go to an art museum I immediately head for the impressionists and post-impressionists. Van Gogh, Degas, Toulouse-Lautrec, Manet, Seurat, Pissaro, Renoir, Cezanne, Monet. I realized while imagining I could see the wind blow through Van Gogh's Cyprus trees in room 41 (or was it 43?) of the National Gallery that the company of these paintings makes me feel at home. There's no other way to describe it - the reason why I feel anxious if I take too much time in between visits, the reason why I immediately feel relaxed and exhale a sigh of relief when among their thick strokes of paint. No matter if these works of art hang in New York, St. Louis, London, Tokyo, or Paris, I feel the same way.
There is a quote from Thoreau that impressed a former colleague of mine that says "It is the condition of most people in this world to go where they don't belong." I feel as if I belong in places where I can experience art, history, beauty, and enjoy the sea, green hills, and a drink with friends in a pub otherwise filled with strangers. However, I don't "belong" in the 1860's, 70's and 80's when these movements flourished (along with the music and literature - I adore playing works by Debussy on the piano and two of my favorite authors are Baudelaire and Virginia Woolf) any more than I "belong" in Sudan at the moment.
The halfway mark of my time in Sudan is looming just ahead, 2 weeks away, and I feel it acutely. Sometimes I can be objective about my whole experience, but in the weeks leading up to my most recent R&R I kept thinking "I can't believe I have been here a year, and I don't know how I am going to get through the next one!" It also didn't help that Simba was sick and until today I have only seen him for 2 days in the last 5 weeks. I miss him when we're not together, he soothes my anxious mind and at the same time makes me feel like I have what it takes to take on the world. Plus it's hard to stay stressed when I am with someone about whom I can't help grinning just at the thought of.
What to do next it on my mind more and more, as is the feeling that I "should" start making plans and concrete goals for the next step in my career so I can start working towards them. But still, everything feels unsettled back here in Juba and I am not quite ready to leave - my department's program are trucking along, but there are still many elements to be fixed, the incredible opportunity from a donor to re-examine our entire approach to our work and build a cohesive and (hopefully) sustainable program for HIV prevention, and research to be done to evaluate the effectiveness of our programs. I am still in my tent, but slated to move into a more permanent place - same site, but a stone cottage with A/C, a kitchenette, hot water shower, and even a tv. It sounds unreal at this point compared to my current diggs, but insha'allah will happen sometime in September. It's a bit difficult to start planning this far in advance and still "be here, now" so I will inevitably put it off until later.
Until that as-yet-undetermined time, as a result of my break I have a new lease on life in Sudan, which should last me until my next R&R in late October: I bought loads of fancy-schmancy bath products (like conditioners and body washes) and a hair dryer, have a resolve to wear more makeup (to change things up a bit - have only worn makeup literally 3 times total in the past year, including New Years in DC!), and dyed my hair with blonde highlights. No, it's not the heinous abomination that you're thinking, just a few chunks UNDERNEATH the top layer that peek through the middle. It looks good, I promise, Beatrice can vouch. I'm not having a mid-post crisis, just trying to take better care of myself to make the second year in Sudan easier than the first. This has been the biggest roller coaster year of my life, and I want to slow the pace of year 2 down a bit to maybe that of a fun house - things won't be as they seem, and I will get tussled around a bit, but it won't throw me completely upside down leaving me disoriented and exhausted. Well, at least I can dream :)
Peace
Monday, February 25, 2008
Allergic to Dust
Yes, it's sad but true. The itchy eyes, runny nose, cough and irritated throat tell an all too familiar tale. Sigh. I also think going jogging at the airport this past week when they were burning all the grass next to the runway didn't help matters any. For some perspective, here are 2 pictures of the same view - looking out the front of my office - the first one was taken in October and the second was taken last week.
Crazy, right? That's not fog you're looking at, it's dust. It's all I can think about. Dust everywhere. After showering I have to make sure my hair is dry before leaving the house because if I drive in a car or walk when it is still wet the dust sticks to it and makes it feel like straw by the time it is dry. No amount of conditioner can help that out. And oh my poor computer! It's going to need a serious cleaning next time I go to Nairobi. Unless you sweep the floors every day it just piles up and there's a layer of sediment over everything.
Crazy, right? That's not fog you're looking at, it's dust. It's all I can think about. Dust everywhere. After showering I have to make sure my hair is dry before leaving the house because if I drive in a car or walk when it is still wet the dust sticks to it and makes it feel like straw by the time it is dry. No amount of conditioner can help that out. And oh my poor computer! It's going to need a serious cleaning next time I go to Nairobi. Unless you sweep the floors every day it just piles up and there's a layer of sediment over everything. Enough kvetching about dust. For something slightly more interesting, a shipment of mosquito nets came in (not my department, but still for my organization) and had to be transferred from a warehouse to other trucks for distribution, so I went with a colleague to check it out and take some pictures. Here are a few of my favorites:
I had a very lonely/homesick day last week so I just want to say I love and miss everyone at home and am hopefully soon going to have a vonage phone so calling me in Juba will be just like calling anyone else in the states. Imagine that! I'll be able to pick up the phone anytime (anytime our generator is on at least) and have one of you on the other line. Fabulous. And it won't be finicky and unreliable like skype. I can't wait!
Peace y'all
Thursday, October 4, 2007
My favorite picture so far
Seriously, can it get any better than this????
and here's some pics of New York because I'm feeling nostalgic...i heart my mommy :)
and a very special strawberry fields...
and some more cool pictures in central park...
and here's some pics of New York because I'm feeling nostalgic...i heart my mommy :)
and a very special strawberry fields...
and some more cool pictures in central park...
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